5.4.3.2.1…BARRIERS ARE GO!

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Broken Britain yesterday was suffering all sorts of naughtiness it appears, we had the imminent threat of flooding all along the east coast, cue Hordes of people in schools and leisure centers. And the most amazing thing was happening on Sky News. They were live at the scene, showing viewers the Thames Barrier being lowered or raised, whatever the hell it was meant to do, and they were expecting something dramatic and they got nothing.

But instead of carrying on with the other news, such as that “conspiracy theory” murder in Italy where that poor student girl was murdered and they are dragging in everyone who knew her, they stayed on that for a further 20 minutes. Just watching a block being moved.

Now forgive me for sounding silly, and that does happen frequently, but that doesn’t sound like a roaring time. I couldn’t imagine for the life of me see people in the pub, shouting at it going “COME ON BARRIER! YOU CAN DO IT MY SON!”, but then again I seldom watch the news anymore, I only caught all this last night during an attempt to pretend that I was in the gym losing weight and looking all the more manly for it.

And by the time I had finished on the cross-trainer and it was still on, I was amazed at this, and I felt compelled to write about it now. Sorry, it’s just whenever I watch the news in recent times, it is overly depressing and the few times I do watch, something on the news always amazes me, the barrier fitted into that category. It was almost like they were stuggling to for things to say.

Continue reading →

Adobe Audition 3 is my friend.

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

For those of you expecting a return to form where I remark about something in every day life and then rip it apart that all those victims were on countless horror films then you’ve got another thing coming.

Instead I’ve chosen to write another technical based port designed to alienate most normal people and who those new people who are into playing with Audio. That’s right, Audio. I’m talking about the people who make all those crap techno-remake-uber-dance-till-you-die-a-thons that plague us night and day, and when we question about them we’re all told to f**k off you’re too old you don’t understand.

But not all are like that, I’ve met a couple of people in the Radio Industry that actually can channel their powers for good instead, and that dear viewer is where we come to the main reason for my post this evening: Adobe Audition 3.

Now everyone here is going to ask, what the hell is that and how can I get away from it as quickly as possible? Well don’t worry gentle campers, because I will explain all here. You have to treat the software with a bit of respect because without it’s profound abilities with doing naughty with audio bits, the podcasts I produce would not be here.

Continue reading →

UK ADSL Providers and the legend of “Unlimited” Naughty

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Sorry about the fact that I’m about to bore you all something technical and perhaps other things that make all geeks shake their various limbs with anger, but regretfully I feel it’s something to moan about. Don’t worry campers, I’m pretty sure that something in the real world will annoy and then I can write endless pointless amounts of crap about that and then proceed to lie down, only waiting to get up for the lady friend who feels a bit “antsy” ?

You see, I have been so far looking at different ADSL providers here in Broken Britain, to save a bit of money of the lovely broadband that fuels my ever growing writing tantrums and porn viewing in order to then waste it, drinking the expensive petrol that we now all find ourselves paying for.

My requirements you think are simple.

But people who know me, also know I am not simple. In fact I’m rather a complex little pirate sailing the technical high seas looking for treasure to plunder, but enough of my nights out, let’s move on.

What I need is this:

• A Fast Broadband Connection of 8MB or higher would be nice
• Download limits of 50GB + as I use around 45GB per month (Those illegal sex videos are only good in HD)

I don’t extra hardware as I already now have 3 DSL routers sitting around and only one of them is in use, so I’m not arsed in getting another white bookend, because that’s about as much as I could do with it, no really way of selling it, simply because the likes of AOL give them away like they are infected with a disease that not even Dr. House could cure.

Continue reading →

Ahh Bisto.

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

I feel tired right now but a lot better. The lady friend has come back from her long travels away and we have caught up with what’s going on except for a rather interesting story involving a Russian murderer. Which is nice for bedtime fodder this Tuesday.

Since I last updated this merry blog on mine late on Sunday evening with not much about the naughtiness that went on over the weekend, not an awful lot has been happening to be truthful. Work has involved sitting with a lady from Microsoft and seeing how broke the Active Directory is, home has involved bringing down the exercise bike and using that as my gym challenge takes an almighty beating once again. Hey, at least I can say I have moved myself a bit, which is more than I normally manage.

The podcast has once again surprised me, with the most downloads I have ever recorded and hell all I did was talk about Coffee shops. I wonder what other icons of modern society I could plonk myself into and then proceed to rip it apart… If anyone has suggestions then please let me know and I will be more than happy to mock you for them. My eye exercises are in full swing and are in danger of staying closed right now, so alas poor campers, once again I leave you all in the lurch, wanting more profound news but like Oliver, the best you’re getting is a slap round the face.

Silly child, wanting more….when will the little rascals learn? Sweep the chimney then you get food.

Sleepless in Not Seattle….

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Hello Campers, just a note on this sleepy Sunday to inform you on the weekend’s happenings, Friday went down well with lots of people wandering around it was the weirdest leaving doo for someone I had ever been to.

Finished early at work to check into the International Hotel in Telford, with Paul and we started early. And for once it was nice to taste the sweet taste of draft Budweiser in my gold like mouth. Not drinking all the time, driving everywhere, I needed to unwind. And I did do, getting into the spirit of things and even going as far as annoying Daya from work asking if she had a banging s**t after returning from the ladies room.

I know it’s not the thing to do and I should have behaved better the whole evening but for once I just wanted to be a bastard on a night out like other people do. I felt bad the day after, and yet I felt I had a chance to blow off some “naughtiness” that had been building up for ages. Enjoyed Paul and Nigel’s company, even at McDonalds, the home of Heart Attacks. There is more to this but for now I am going to leave it there.

Saturday, sorted out some Euros and a card for Dad, his birthday is soon and I’ll miss the fun due to other things coming up. Like needing a sit down…. ? kidding! Got home, went out again of course the podcast was sorted out then, and frankly it’s a complete waste of time but actually it’s amongst the best I’ve done because some of it was completely off the cuff, unrehearsed and made up. Sounded better than I thought it would. Natalie and I had a good conversation in the evening and then nothing but black.

Hour after hour went past and I found it was 12:20 when I woke up and oh dear. I was late for taking Mum to the airport. Missed half a day today doing nothing but I do feel better anyway. Right now, just watching Season 6 of Frasier and taking the “Leisure” route to happiness.

Granted this isn’t a post which would wow people in the realms of furthering the human adventure and finding out more about us but every once in a while, it’s easier to write what is in your head. And well this was what in my head, albeit it was not even close to everything. You’ve had enough for now and I need to lie down further. Being Lordly is taxing…. ?

Podcast 11: Coffee Shop Blues

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

[display_podcast]
(13.3MB)

After freaking out that I hadn’t made a podcast for November, I spend an afternoon in a coffee shop and end up talking crap about that. I get to the point where I don’t even use the bleep SFX any more. So this podcast is naughty in terms of swearing. Actually just like all the rest of them….

Subscribe via the feed URL: https://lordofleisure.com/podcasts/feed.xml

or have a look on iTunes, searching using either Paul Hughes, or Ooh Sometimes.

Continue reading →

Happy Scary Thing

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Last night I witnessed something I swear I will only see the likes of again on Children’s TV. We all that type of programming, where the ideal world is full of happiness and mothers bake all sorts of treats for the kids as they bound home from school ready to do their homework and then sweep the chimneys. They would carry on singing sweet songs and the parents would be so proud of them. Only for Japanese money spinning cartoons to come crashing through, ruining the dream. PIKACHOO TO THAT!

It’s that kind of make-belief that you think couldn’t possibly happen in the real world as we all up our own arses that much that even attempt to cook things by ourselves without the aid of a microwave seems too much. After all, anything that takes longer than 3 seconds to prepare has no room in our modern day lifestyles. Buy, Sell, Merge and Moan, these are all staples of our times.

But before we all descend back into the brightly lit welcoming bosom of the coal pits, I want to take this opportunity to basically dispel this myth.

There are indeed noble champions out there, somehow bringing back the fact that if you put in some effort with things, you can get a lot out of it back. Harking back to the days where people cared enough to pretend that father Christmas, no bloody Santa Claus here, we’re British, actually exists, and go as far as creating a grotto in the front room, complete with malfunctioning reindeer that will catch fire the moment anyone looks at it.

Continue reading →

Read this and weep.

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

At last it’s Tuesday and do you know what that means?

Erm…..

It’s Tuesday…..

Well that fell flat on its arse. After a brief spell working a lot at work (damn those fools, don’t they realise I’m the lord of Leisure and therefore my sheer presence alone should be enough for a high price salary, Aston Martin DB9 and all the funny tasting coffee I could muster?), I feel it necessary to brighten up your lives with tales of the expected.

You see over the past 48 hours, much has been progressing in the world. People are falling in love, one couple in particular are now engaged and congratulations to Glyn and Kelly, yes I have the Tesco Value Brand toaster on standby ready to be deployed at a moment’s notice, you are getting one and that’s final.

Toasters alongside dinner plate sets and glasses are mandatory gifts you see, and I have always made it clear that I get “dibs” on the one that gives the happy couples the toaster. And take great joy as their happiness turns to fear, just in case anyone else has bought them one…. 🙂

Continue reading →

A day of rest. Can I have one?

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

The way I feel at the moment, I wish for a day I had no responsibilities, no one wanting my attention, and the only thing to worry about is whether or not I wear pants. The truth be told I still feel run down, having indeed spent a good deal of today for instance at Work diagnosing a server that didn’t want to come back from the dead without a fight. You could almost see the server turning green and then wanting to bite me…

But enough of Resident Evil references, I had enough of that third film the other week when it robbed my of time I will never get back and frankly the fact that I know another film for that pile of crap franchise is coming, the UN should get involved because surely to make people suffer through another 2 hours of that poo which isn’t even fit enough to come from a horse’s rear bumper, surely should be against the Geneva Convention…

And yet I know there are things to do. And I even went as far as being very very rude (and believe me that is being polite about what I did today) to Mum after she asked me yet again to take her to the airport and then one week later pick up both parents. My initial reaction was not designed to encourage further conversation. After all, I must confess the only thing that occurred to me was:

AGAIN?

Continue reading →