Bollolympics

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Oh no, we're using the Olympics Logo in reference to talking about the Olympics without giving huge amounts of money to the IOC. We're ruined!It’s been a couple of days since the world was gripped with what in some circumstances would been termed a medical disease, but what Boris Johnson came out with as a term of happiness, Olympomaina.

Even if you don’t give a sh*t about the whole thing, apparently you must get excited from start to finish whether you like it or not, so in what has become the Ooh Sometimes tradition, here is a round-up of the past few days with the occasional f*ck joke thrown in.

First up, the sad news of course, that the Official London Olympic Prostitutes still have not turned up in Stratford yet. This is due to the ladies in red being held at customs and the officials stating that they needed to be “interrogated fully”. So instead of the family friendly STD-ridden filth we were all hoping for, everyone instead watched a pretty light show at the Olympic Park.

They must have practiced walking all day.

They must have practiced walking all day.

The Opening ceremony was enjoyed by quadrillions of lifeforms, all singing, dancing and celebrating the fact that lots of people had come to London to win pieces of metal for effectively choosing going to the gym as a career. Continue reading →

Completely Rezzed off: Peter’s off his t*ts.

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Mmm, Purple.

And in Part deux of this epic tale of wonder and Quake 2 tornaments, we actually have to take a detour off the deep end to remark on one of the more wonderful of the Friday afternoon’s developer sessions staring everyone’s favourite Mr Muscle spokesman;

Peter Mildew, sorry Mole…Mulne…Muller….Molyneux

Now it’s not often we would go into a diatribe about one of the many sessions in detail, given that the audience tends to be those who would gush if their favourite developer would look at them and acknowledge they exist.

But this time was different. Continue reading →

Completely Rezzed off.

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Mmm, Purple.

Welcome back gentle readers, to the land of evil, savage brutality and an insane hunger for late night takeaways. In a surprise change of pace from mocking the world news, and lack of caring for the tennis after Andy Murray made everyone shout “Come on Tim”, we present once more, a glimpse into the world of video gaming.

A long time ago on Friday, in a far off seaside resort which is an hour from London by train, far from the confines of the Eurogamer Expo show, the chaps from aforementioned Eurogamer and RockPaperShotgun decided to hold an event dedicated to PC and indie games, perhaps as a test to see if there would be demand for something perhaps a little more specalist than what the Expo could provide, given the scale it had grown to over the past few years.

For some reason, it was called Rezzed. Continue reading →

Tax doesn’t have to be taxing.

Lord of Leisure Posted on by
Jimmy now moonlights as Melinda on weekends.

Jimmy now moonlights as Melinda on weekends.

Yep, just once in a while, there is an event in which something is sent from the heavens to us on Earth, and the bitter cynical husks among the human population rejoice with a semi-audible grunt.

It’s not often that they come around, events in which you pretty much can just let the whole thing just pretty much play out without needing to try to create wonderfully contrived jokes about being found naked in bed with a dead badger. This is one of those events.

Now, you see that picture above? Do you remember it well?

Well if you didn’t you pretty much got to see it again, and again and again, as in a twist of delicious fate with which it seems now something that no-one will ever let him forget (please can someone throw a tax self assessment form onto the stage of one of his shows?), it seems that the gentleman above, Mr. Jimmy Carr, seen a year ago mocking the big naughty bank Barclays paying just 1% tax, was found out that he pretty much did the exact same thing via a K2 scheme set-up in Jersey. Continue reading →

Advertising tastes…

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

There are many reasons to be depressed. You’ve run out of milk, you have to look at a loved one, or worse the only way you make it through the day is chewing razor blades.

What makes it even better is the art of advertising, which when you’re slap bang in the middle of a metropolis, is damned hard to miss. Everywhere you look, on TV, billboards, newspapers left on the tube, there is yet another image, more text, all feeding into your mind the idea of a lifestyle or some more crap that you know you don’t need but in order to help the devastated economy of the world, but somehow you can save the day with a new microwave.

So is it little wonder that sometimes, just every once in a while, you start twisting it for your own amusement, with various pictures warped to show a different reality. For example, earlier this year, you could not hide from this campaign from the fashion chain Esprit;

Ugh.

Ugh.

Yes, it was one of those things where people wearing all nice things, being hip or pretty, whichever the giant corporate entity wanted, holding up boards stating something they wished for, the majority of which were sentiments such as wanting everyone to be happy, or wanting everyone else to get what they wanted. Continue reading →

Government and the Internet: Trolling around for a Part 3

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No sooner had the second part of a 10 part trilogy come to a close, that something else with government backing makes its way into the news, it’s almost as if someone thought two long winded rants about how governing bodies and the internet don’t really go well together, were not enough.

No, he's not a troll.

No, he’s not a troll

In the UK today, it was announced that websites will soon be forced to identify people who have posted defamatory messages online or “Trolling”.

The proposals state that victims will have a right to know who is behind anything which is classed as cyber-bullying without the need for calling lawyers-4-U and pretending you had an accident at work.

This appears to have come on the back of three recent stories, from various sources like the BBC, Telegraph and Independent, in which examples were given of people going to extreme lengths

It seems though that the media struggled for a better phrase to use other that cyber-bullying, like Robo-buggering or Net-beatingthecrapoutofyouandstealingyourlunchmoney. So it seems to have settled on Trolling. Continue reading →

Governments and the Internet: Part 2 of a 10 ten part trilogy

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Greetings one and all, and welcome back to Part 2 of an epic love story in the making; Governments and the Internet. We left our two lovebirds at a pivotal moment on a park bench watching a beautiful sunset, where the EU was concerned for our privacy by introducing something which will save us all from those naughty people who dare to use cookies for traffic tracking and advertising.

In this second part, where the Internet cheats on Governments with Hank and Chad begins to develop feelings for Cherrie, in perhaps a complete 180 from the EU’s desire to protect privacy, we look at legislation which has been pushed through in various shapes and forms, which will enforce blocking of web sites and monitoring of what you do in western countries.

Now the reason this all started, was Piracy, and not the good kind like what those lovable Somalians do.

But would you steal him?

The examples of such legislation are a great many, all with fantastic acronyms, the SOPA anti-piracy bill in the US (The Americans then went ahead and signed off the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act or CISPA, which was even worse arguably.), the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement or ACTA, which was an agreement between most western countries, and of course in the UK, the Digital Economy Act which was rushed through at the end of the last government, all seek to save profits, I mean intellectual property rights of those who have been hard done by those naughty pirates who share everything for free. The b*stards. Continue reading →

Governments and the Internet: Part 1 – West Ham 0

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

The internet itself is a wonderful tool, used by billions for information sharing, watching untold amounts of pornography and for having slagging contests with 12 year olds as to who shot who in various online game arenas. It crosses international borders and as illustrated numerous times, can be used as a force for change, in places such as Egypt and Libya for example.

But in recent months there has been some movement made by major western governments to ensure that the rights of certain parties are met while we yank ourselves silly to hotandhornygrannies.org We all know that Iran and China have their own well documented fun when it comes to free access to the Internet, (Whoever came up with the term “Great Firewall of China” deserves a medal) it’s more governements in the supposed free world we now discuss…

First of all, let’s have a look at something which the EU themselves put together and is now being enforced recently in the UK; The EU “Cookie” Law.

Are these the new Borg?

Are these the new Borg?

Without even attempting to state that it is not about Cookies you eat as every other bloody web site tried to do, The EU Cookie Law, is basically some wonderful legislation which was drawn up, to protect us, the humble internet user from running things we didn’t know or indeed care about until now magically.

The Cookie law requires all websites to gain consent in one form or another from visitors (if they have any) to store or receive any information on a computer or anything else with a internet connection (including those funky internet fridges that no-one bought), most of the time, these cookies is used for tracking where visitors wander around on your site, or targeting adverts to a 90 year old man who has misplaced his ginger Toupée (We can’t imagine what adverts would be shown to him either). This doesn’t just mean the cookie files themselves, it also stems to Flash cookies (FLASH….AHHHHHHH) and anything else which may be used for the same thing. Continue reading →

London Olympics 2012: All hands brace for impact.

Lord of Leisure Posted on by
Le Logo we're not supposed to use but we is gangster and use it anyway. Respec.

Le Logo we’re not supposed to use but we is gangster and use it anyway. Respec.

With 50 days left before the blessed event, it’s finally time for Ooh Sometimes to get into the spirit as we often do and fully rip apart the forthcoming London 2012 Olympics, a subject about as near and dear to our hearts as having our heads smashed in with an Olympic hammer.

Before beginning, perhaps it’s best to point out that this is not about complaining about watching people run around a lot and do other things to win shiny stuff to go round their necks. Nor indeed will it be suggesting new events such as beating the crap out of a charity mugger, putting together a piece of furniture from Ikea or explaining the offside rule in football to a goat.

No, this is a record breaking attempt at “Most bile in a blog post”, to be fully adjudicated by a team from the Guinness Book of World Records, we will be focusing on some key areas where the bile is most deserved, and perhaps maybe suggest the odd improvement here and there for the current state of play. Continue reading →

The Royal Jubawee: It ruined the BBC and the Economy…

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Chocks away and what what, oh it’s never a better time to be British, the flags were all out, and the entire nation came together, united in celebration at a once in a lifetime event, as Morrisons offer 2 for 1 on bottles of Diet Coke.

I mean, the Queen’s Diamond/Gem/Shiny Shiny/Bling/Mink Coat Jubawee over the floor took place over the weekend, where we celebrated having four whole days off thanks to Queen Elizabeth the second, still being alive and on the throne (I refer to an actual throne and not the toilet as I mistakenly thought) for 60 years.

And low, the good people of Great Britain (twinned with Bosnia) and others where the Queen also mattered joined together to say well done, and drink far too much in beer tents and street corners.

The matter started as it meant to go on with a trip to the races, and after Katherine Jenkins sang her latest rap song, “The wheels on the bus go blat blat because I shot em”, or the National Anthem (it’s easy to get those confused), some horses went round and round a race track for the day.

Wonder if we can get duty free on one of those boats?

Wonder if we can get duty free on one of those boats?

The second day came the Thames River Pageant, involving at least 1,000 boats, a badger and several packets of pork scratchings. Watching boats go past is fine for about 10 minutes, maybe a bit more, but after a while, let’s be fair, you’re more likely to go back to running over prostitutes in GTA 4. Continue reading →