FIBRE!!!!! (A tale about getting a decent internet connection at last)

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

In this day and age, we have a terrific range of devices for us to check on funny pictures of cats with.

From computers to tablets to phones who can’t make calls any more, it’s never been easier to get online. Except for one bottleneck which is more often than not, nothing short of geographical pot-luck, regardless of your country.

It’s your phone line.

Back in the good old days, you were just thankful when British Telecom or the state-owned phone company of your choice deemed you fit to have a phone line, and that they had only taken three months to turn up at your house to fit something which allowed to ask people if they could hear you now over and over again. But these days, after the fact that competition opened up and people started moving between providers who offered you 1 more shiny thing than the last lot, you now can do more things with said phone line.

The main use for a phone line arguably has moved from making phone calls to connecting to the Internet. Make no bones about it, if it wasn’t for that fact, a lot of people wouldn’t have a phone line any more, considering almost everyone has a mobile phone with which they annoy everyone 24 hours a day instead. Continue reading →

It’s been a bad week.

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

We all picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue….

The last week or so in April, has been nothing short of downright depressing for many individuals around the globe, and not because that smell from the fridge has gotten slightly worse.

From Boston, where two ass-holes decided to experiment with pressure cookers with bits inside and attempted to kill a large number of people during the Boston marathon, an event where participants run 26 miles gaining bleeding nipples, spray themselves in the face with water and pissing in the streets for fun and charity.

That would have been the focus of the day for the people of Boston, had it not been for the ass-holes in question. The whole affair is still ongoing, though the people responsible have been either killed in horrific stand-off situations or being tried in court at the time of writing. It was a stark reminder that like tourists who like having their photos taken next to a bus that looks funny, the terrorising stupid buggers are everywhere and can strike at any time. Continue reading →

The Procrastination Proclamation

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Make the pain stop…

Recently, it’s been upmost on my mind that you can have all the good intentions in the world of completing those vital tasks which contribute to everyday life such as milking the cat, cleaning your underpants and discovering a new form of penicillin from the leftover contents of that cup of tea from over 4 weeks ago.

But when it comes right down to it, if there is a way of doing something which involves sleep or jammy dodgers, then you’re move there faster than a herd of fat people who was just been told there is a free you can eat buffet.

The predicament I find myself in, and will find myself in for the next three weeks in fact that I have a huge amount of free time during the day all of a sudden. Continue reading →

Social Media: The next immune super-bug

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Oh no, it’s the economic crisis dressed as a spider! Run away!

In face of the Chief Medical Officer of the Starship UK, having watched Attack of the Giant Killer Ants from 1952 and proclaiming we’re all doomed by super-bugs which cheers us all up no end,  there was a different article written online for the Guardian on March 10, which as we all know is read only by the world’s peace-loving hippies and devout worshipers of anything from the John Lewis catalogue.

Mainly it was about how young people have started drinking far less, but instead have replaced that with the internet as the next thing to be getting drunk with for hours every day.

You can find it written down here for your dining and dancing pleasure. But there was a couple of things worthy of note towards the end…

The internet is revolutionising how we develop social skills; it’s changing how we interact with our immediate surroundings and it’s gradually weaning young people off the social mores of their parents.

However, while we might be drinking less, the shift in our priorities comes with a forfeit. Like alcohol, the internet is a stimulant and its constant stream of information is something that, over time, we’ve all become quietly reliant on. Continue reading →

Windows 8: Please swipe to gripe

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

On this dark and lonely evening, the temptation to let rip at various enterprises going wrong is all too great. Monday came the vow that at last some posts on this epic tome of the digital damned would move away from all hatred inducing bile that would be occurring in the news and instead focus on the other things which matter not.

It’s alive….it’s ALIVE!

Like Sunflowers and err….pictures of cats photo-shopped to have eyes which piece your soul. But ladies and gentlemen, there will be some bile on this post after all.

But alas it’s not aimed at Natwest and the Royal B*llocks-up of Scotland, who had to say sorry to another failure to perform (happens to the best of us…) their banking duties (oh that failure…err..) at which point the villagers rose up and vowed to destroy Frankenstein’s monster aka Stephen Hester (pictured left, terrorising people on a bus) who has to console himself through this hard time with the £700,000 bonus due from three years ago.

No this time, it’s aimed at Microsoft and not for the browser choice thingy no-one aside from the EU cared about.

A long time ago, in a land roughly 3,500 miles away from merry old England, it came to pass that the PC overlords at the Redmond campus saw that the fruity shiny shiny (Or Apple) was in fact doing rather well at selling tablets which had mobile shops to allow people to buy lots of rubbish like never before. The lord master Steve Balmy thought: “Daddy gotta have some of that.” Continue reading →

Win a copy of Assassins’ Creed 3 on PC!

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

UPDATE: No-one entered, so no-one won! I blame those kids who smoke behind the bike sheds…

Well if the title of the post doesn’t give the oh so cryptic message of the post away, then surely the elaborate ruse that is the post content will shed some light on the matter, unless you’re thicker than the village idiot.

This is what you get for forcing us to open casinos across America…

Since the inception of Ubisoft’s free-running, hoodie-wearing, hidden-blade-using-a-lot-to-stab-people long running series, Assassin’s Creed, (the first game of which so far has been the only actual entry of the series to have any remarks on this very digital tome of justice back in 2008, the review of which you can find here), there have been several further iterations of said game, a few with that lovable Italian fellow by the name of of Ezio Audi da Fiat Punto, who shows he is a hit with the ladies as much as he hurts people with various pointy objects. Continue reading →

2013: The one after 2012. Now with added sugar!

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

London last week

Happy New Year all, it’s now 2013.

First of all, let’s give a big round of applause to the Mayans who foretold the end of the world and got it absolutely wrong! Though to be fair, their track record wasn’t fantastic, given they didn’t really see the end coming for themselves.

What? They’re dead, it’s not like they can sue…..can they? (cue spooky music and ultra cheap lightning effects with a couple of fluorescent bulbs as we’re in a recession and can’t afford the good CGI any more.)

So since the Gangnam style post which was at the butt-end of November last year, once again, time has passed at an alarming rate, and here we are in the bossom of March 2013, though given some of the conditions outside, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Noah’s Ark was going to flow past down the A40 at some point. Continue reading →

Gangnam Style

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Hey Sexy Lady, have you done it Gangnam style? Well some people have, as at the time of writing, this YouTube video has had 812,794,421 views, and turned up courtesy of South Korean rapper PSY back in July.

When I stand in front of a explosion, I do it gangnam style

When I stand in front of a explosion, I do it gangnam style

Before we delve into the Gangnam of the matter, yes in a change of pace (which was either writing nothing or just drivel) we’re looking at dance music and therefore normally you wouldn’t be listening to it unless you were either driving through a town center blasting out the music from a sound system which is worth more (and weighs more) than the actual car itself, with your windows wound down, so everyone can hear how much of a c*nt you are, or you were in a nightclub where the DJ, suffering from a bad case of amnesia brought on by sniffing too many air fresheners, would be asking “whose birthday is tonight?” every 3 minutes.

However, the argument is easily countered with: Exactly how often is it that we hear about any music from Korea? Continue reading →

Disqus (is that French?)

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Greetings gentle blog reader / automated spamming robots. Tonight, I’d like to take a moment to talk about something which is dope with the kids. Social Media is all the rage and has led to revolutions happening in the Arab places which are never marketed by First Choice Holidays as family fun, to people writing comments on YouTube questioning if the video you spent 546 hours over and uploaded to share with the world, was the result of having a feverish syphilitic brain.

It had been some time since Ooh Sometimes had any postings of worth and yet it was the comments which kept me coming back. Mainly to clear them out, it seems the spam masters are forever trying their best to insert new and disturbingly erotic comments into posts all over the place, in their hundreds every day. The only real comment left by a real person with a fake email address was someone telling me I was a pathetic loser, which was so monumental  it was printed out and hung on the wall, such was the import of this comment.

So a solution was required, something which would put off the casual troll, yet allow people who truly cared to vent their digital rage, and given that in this economy, outsourcing is the order of the day, why not outsource the comments system? Enter DISQUS.

The colour blue….discuss

The site itself describes itself as such: From small blogs to massive websites, Disqus is the easiest way to build active communities. It’s free to use and works with virtually any type of website. Even radioactive pompous sh*t like this website which gets updated once every 6 months whenever there is nothing on television. Given that for some reason, it is also free, it made it the obvious choice to ensure that even less effort is made casually looking at the admin pages and clearing out the thousands of spam left by who knows what. So going forward, you’ll need a Disqus account to post any filth and death threats. We look forward to debating the art of smearing spaghetti hoops on a badger with you all.

So Disqus…discuss.

Bollolympics

Lord of Leisure Posted on by

Oh no, we're using the Olympics Logo in reference to talking about the Olympics without giving huge amounts of money to the IOC. We're ruined!It’s been a couple of days since the world was gripped with what in some circumstances would been termed a medical disease, but what Boris Johnson came out with as a term of happiness, Olympomaina.

Even if you don’t give a sh*t about the whole thing, apparently you must get excited from start to finish whether you like it or not, so in what has become the Ooh Sometimes tradition, here is a round-up of the past few days with the occasional f*ck joke thrown in.

First up, the sad news of course, that the Official London Olympic Prostitutes still have not turned up in Stratford yet. This is due to the ladies in red being held at customs and the officials stating that they needed to be “interrogated fully”. So instead of the family friendly STD-ridden filth we were all hoping for, everyone instead watched a pretty light show at the Olympic Park.

They must have practiced walking all day.

They must have practiced walking all day.

The Opening ceremony was enjoyed by quadrillions of lifeforms, all singing, dancing and celebrating the fact that lots of people had come to London to win pieces of metal for effectively choosing going to the gym as a career. Continue reading →