Into the area with the trees…

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Welcome back friends, countrymen and various people of sizes, as we continue our look into the various films coming out at this time of year, which are on the face of it, merely designed to both earn off your hard earned laziness and also the shiny shiny bling to show off afterwards and hit people over the head with at the after parties.

If you down the woods today, you’re sure for a big surprise. But enough of illegal acts, please step forward our next contestant, Oscar nominee for Costume Design, Production Design, and Actress in a Supporting Role;

Produced by Disney this little Christmas miracle came from the depths of hell that comes with being a Broadway musical and apparently according to the internet, had been stuck in development hell for quite a number of years.

So what’s it all about then and are there any cavemen looking drugged a la that film that keeps on giving, Foxcatcher? Well, Into the Woods gives us a rather interesting melding of several well known fairy tales with some messed up ting thrown in for good measure. Continue reading →

Gaming Car Crash Remastered!

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Well if at first you don’t succeed, try try….try try try try try again! After last week’s stream, we’ve gone all out with our limited creative capabilities and remastered everything from start to finish.

That’s right friends, we will now be 3% less s**t than last time!*

So join us for a remastered good old time where we will be featured two titles which were also remastered themselves in the recent past. Will they frustrate just as much as Heroes of the Storm? Will we completly f**k it all up like the non stealth session of Metal Gear Solids? Will I make any sense and not just laugh all the time? Find out with the handy YouTube aftermath below!

YouTube Channel Link

* Terms and conditions apply, see pack for details, no humans were harmed during the making of the bacon sandwiches we made for breakfast.

And now for the image thanks for the remastered logo, we happily stole and used content from these fine sources;

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Big_Issue_seller_-_Covent_Garden_4.jpg by Gaetan Lee
http://mjranum-stock.deviantart.com/art/Hitter-2-79190540 by Marcus J. Ranum

Car Crash Streaming

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So it came to pass, as foretold by the ancient monks of Tokataal and repeated badgering on Twitter, that on a fateful Thursday evening, the first ever gaming stream that was attempted by myself was broadcast on the the service Twitch to literally people. At most, 4 people which was 4 more than expected to tell the truth. What happened though was something completely foreseen but not entirely for the reasons I thought it would be.

In fact, one could argue that it was the best experience you can have in how not to do a live stream. In some ways, I couldn’t even bring myself to watch it more than 5 minutes afterwards. You are your own worst critic of course, but seriously…. this sh*t just got real.

Ok everyone, places, now is the time to stop vomiting and……action!

In order to narrow down the various faults of course, we have to be more specific rather than just reach for the vodka and drink to take the pain away. In essence, this will be more cringe-worthy than listening to your parents talk about the various times they had sex, but realistically, it is the only way to learn from mistakes. Continue reading →

Birdman (Or the extraordinary need to take the p*ss)

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When it comes to the films which get released this time of year, there are a good number which shall we say smell not like Teen Spirit but more like something left in the bin a bit too long in the hot blistering sun.

You cannot help but get suspicious when something gets tipped for so many awards even before it makes it to these shores, and even more so when they happen to be based on true stories where every actor in it tends to be so emotional crippled or serious, you’d want to just go over and give them a tissue and a sandwich while saying there there.

Just look at that overly dramatic sh*t judging from the trailer, Foxcatcher where everyone looks like they are about to go hunting for food while avoiding dinosaurs and afterwards draw pretty things on the cave wall about discovering fire.

And thus, you get the idea of the mindset going into our next contestant, Birdman, (or the other bit they tagged onto the title.)

Last time I ever go to a wedding…..

Rather than reflect the cartoon antics seen mostly in the 60s or indeed the more recently outrageous and highly entertaining Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law (Ha Ha, Phil Ken Sebben sorely missed) we actually get a tale where things are on the downward spiral for one Mr Riggan Thomson (who is played by Batman) Continue reading →

The Art of Procrastination

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We’re going to take a small timeout for a few minutes to remark on something which we all fight against but is one major thing that I end up losing on a daily basis and have become adept at performing. The Art of Procrastination.

It has to be said that in the last few months, I’ve actually tried to do more with the time that I have. Rather than sweep crumbs off my chest and struggle to find the point to put on underpants when wandering off to the shops, I’ve attempted to actually keep doing a given set of things to do every week, in many ways, a easier task given the lack of other concerns most people my age have. Like chasing those damn kids who playing on your lawn and playing bingo on Tuesday Afternoons with Mike and Lucy.

Yeah, we’ll get to the main sleep after this nap….

However, even now, you don’t even need to imagine the times where I still barely move. But there are some days where it takes the biscuit. The really nice ones with the orange jam inside. I wake up, full of intentions, full of drive and it seems to be all gone by about 8:30 after the second cup of tea. How does this keep on happening? Continue reading →

Coming Soon: Twitch

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http://www.twitch.tv/lordofleisure

In what can only be described as an insane attempt at doing something different, this week if all is well, we will give that new fangled broadcasting of video game playing a jolly good go on the latest plaything of Amazon’s, Twitch. The time and date is as follows;

8PM UTC on Thursday 15th January.

Basically I will be trying my best to not completely be awful at a given game on the system while leaving a chat window on screen for any burning questions you may have or just write dirty jokes about mums. If this works out OK, then we will attempt to make this a regular thing for your dining and dancing pleasure.

During this week, we will be trying out the technology which will be involved in broadcasting, just to be sure that it will sort of work(ish) when it comes to the epic failure of the event itself. Then the war crime against humanity will take place and if you like what you see, we will start doing it more, posting on the Youtubes and all that too. There will be some more dicussion on this later this week, leading up to “show time.”

Oh yes, it will be meh….it will be meh…..

Transistering along, singing a song….

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Do you ever wonder if inside your computer, there is another war raging between various programs but you couldn’t just press Ctrl-Alt-Del to end it? Well most people wouldn’t as they aren’t that bored, but damned if I could explain some of what was going on in the next game to our next contestant for your consideration.

So plug in a new keyboard, polish that mouse, and launch your reading executable for Transistor.

Pretty good first date….

Released last year by the same chaps who released that game Bastion with the neverending commentary by a man who wouldn’t be out of place on a late night jazz radio show while you wandered through various places trying to make things right, this time a slightly different approach has been taken. So what’s it all about then and is it worth your precious time away from watching cute cats on the you of tubes? Continue reading →

The Christmas Commitment

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As I woke up this morning, aside from the usual ailments of gas, grogginess and the brief confusion of what day it is, there was also a sense of elation. It got slightly stronger as I queued to pay for the weekly tube card and then, as I stood across from the Victoria and Albert Museum, it finally hit struck me as to why.

It felt so good to be back in the rhythm of the weekly fight against evil and chaos that some would also mistake for the dreary tedium of work.

But why?

This flies in the face of how everyone is supposed to feel after the Christmas time, filled with cheer, beer and far too many pies of various flavours, as mostly you’re supposed to be depressed about having to return to work after a break, well if you did get one of course. So surely there has to be a reason as to why this madness descended upon my very being. Continue reading →

The embodiment of feeling meh

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In an effort to remain willing and able to write, I come to you today with something vile, something which strikes fear into the heart of men and women the various worlds over.

It is indeed a new case of the most annoying of illnesses, where your head pounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to destroy the jungle of your mind. Where you become at times so emotional, that anyone saying “Hi” can cause you to break down in the street, shake your fists weakly in the air and softly moan “why” to the sound of a 50 piece orchestra.

It reaches the point where your nose becomes so emotional that all it is capable of is crying all the time, and that any attempts to quell the flow with far too much kitchen rolls from Poundland will be met by laughter at the illness in question, bellowing out like Brian Blessed, screaming that resistance is futile. It gnaws at you, interfering with everything you do, with a 24 hour call-out being required for the clean-up crew every time you cough and sneeze near anything.

You struggle with medication in vain, thinking it will help, but it only seems to make it stronger, make it adaptable, and in the battle of wills, you feel that you may not make it, to point you want to tell your wife and children that you love them, even if they don’t exist.

I speak of course….of manflu. (OH…..MY…..GOD……)

Regretfully, due to blistering cold weather and then returning to vastly more mild climates in sunny London, I currently have this vile interruption to daily life flowing through my very being, making me appear more gross and messy than the contestants on the “Great British Bake-Off” where someone didn’t like the quiche they made.

It’s just so damned trivial yet highly annoying.

Think about it, you can’t really go to the gym to work off the 12 stone piled on for Christmas nor indeed go and show everyone the epic dance moves you learned by watching Strictly Come Dancing. It’s social suicide to turn up somewhere, coughing, spluttering and sweating over everyone and everything in sight, so for a short time, you become a leaper inside your home, wandering around occasionally and almost like clockwork, the fun begins with the tissues up the nose.

Hopefully I will return to writing more drivel soon, but for the moment, I’m just going to continue lying here staring at the TV. Which of course, is entirely different to what I normally do.

Miffed Males

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SPOILER WARNING: The following post will be discussing what occurs during the 60’s advert fun filled world of Mad Men during the opening couple of series.

If you’ve not watched the programme yet and wish to remain in the dark until as such time as the final part of Series 7 has aired later this year so you can gorge yourself silly in one weekend as is the custom these days, then please feel free to browse the KFC web site instead and wonder whose fingers need to be licked good.

For those who willing to brave the writings of a semi-drunken lier who cheats on his taxes whenever possible, please continue the reading below the lovely picture of a well dressed Don Draper who seems to have forgotten to turn the taps off here….

Why yes, I am this sexy, you silly little thing.

Mad Men is again one of those “you have to watch it and love it” shows which has caused conversations up and down the M3, and fever pitch will no doubt reach some levels when the final episodes air later this year. Continue reading →