Dear visitor of Lordofleisure.com (along the visitors from that old sci-fi show V and the poor people who were looking for porn but ended up here instead)
In the before time, in the long long ago of 26th May 2012, when the fields were made of butter, the EU Cookie law came into force and now websites are required to tell you about what cookies they use and seek consent from visitors to their operation. For more formal information, please visit the ICO web site (https://ico.org.uk/for-organisations/guide-to-pecr/cookies-and-similar-technologies/)
Like rape chickens and run over old people with unicycles.
Oh and we may as well blame the website cookies for Brexit as well while we’re here too! See, Topical! Mind you, even after the UK has now left the EU and we get to enjoy the fun that comes with…..cough…. We are still subject to all the various GDPR type things and cookie laws, even if they’re due to be updated to be perhaps slightly less silly so for now dear campers, we still got to cover this. Oh yes, we didn’t even mention that four letter hell of the GDPR did we? Well if you want to know what that fun is, here’s a jolly lovely link again to the ICO, giving you some bedtime reading on what GDPR is.
We also use Google Analytics to track who comes to the site, what content they visit etc, more information if you’re bored, can be found here: https://developers.google.com/analytics/resources/concepts/gaConceptsCookies
We’ve also embedded plenty of YouTube videos which apparently creates cookies and stuff we never even knew about for their operation. More on that stuff can be found here: http://support.google.com/youtube/bin/answer.py?hl=en-GB&answer=171780
You also use a name and an email address when posting comments, something which you clearly never knew about ever, but that’s a privacy thing, not a cookie thing, and it’s housed in a database we have, where we don’t even bother to look at it. To be honest, you actually could use any name and email and the damned thing sends it through anyway.
At this point, we receive about 3 visitors a day. It helps not updating the website or doing livestreaming in ages so the actual few visitors we did have long since buggered off to TikTok or whatever new social media craze everyone cares about. So of those who do come along, odds are that they’re just spammers who try to add comments to posts about sex pills, so this whole thing is probably not a massive problem for the likes of us, hiding on the internet in smug obscurity.
However, if it is such a problem that your world has come tumbling down and you’re preparing to shiv your next door neighbours for food, please tell us about the nightmares of not being able to turn off cookies via your web browser thingy due to mashing too many keys at the same time on the keyboard in a violent rage and we’ll address it by ordering some pies, having a nap and staying socially distanced from you.
The wonderful thing here is, the maximum penalty for not complying is £500,000 for cases where there is a deliberate breach of the law that causes substantial distress. We’re really wondering if a crappy blog site will cause substantial distress that warrants the £500,000 fine (which is £499,812 more than what we actually have).
What distress do they mean as well? Do damsels all have to chip about their distress? Is it the kind of distress John Hurt had when that alien popped out of his stomach to say hello?
Tell you what, if you are overcome with painful emotion and you’re vomiting everywhere and that your life has been destroyed by the cookies used by lordofleisure.com and my still complete lack of caring after all these years, please contact the ICO directly via their many channels listed on this page; https://ico.org.uk/concerns/ so they can do whatever it is they do.
Thank you for your time that we’ve just wasted.
Time waster and Lord of Leisure, bloke who occasionally does things on this ‘ere website.