Last time I take a window cleaning job like this.

It’s been quite a while since we’ve looked at any film releases on this blog, owing to various factors, and in some ways, that’s a shame as we’ve missed out on some of the biggest releases of the year so far; Suicide Squad, Warcraft, Star Trek: Beyond (a joke) among a few of the names out there. But rest assured, I will visit those when they come out on DVD later in the year and therefore perhaps while missing some of the big screen “magic”, it won’t be hard to come up with some words to write about them all.

So having come to recent releases, it’s actually rather amusing that we come to a release of a sequel that no-one asked for; Mechanic: Resurrection, starring one of my favourite man crushes Jason “His Nipples are deadly weapons” Statham. However, to be honest, can anyone remember what happened in the first film? Damned if I could.

But who cares, right? We’ve got the royal Statham back in a lead role, ready to kick various degrees of bottom in a more action-orientated way than what we saw of him in the comedy-of-which-I-didn’t-laugh-once, Spy. Surely this action film out of nowhere can bring some goods to the table, especially given we seem to have Jessica Alba and Tommy Lee Jones joining the fray?

Err……no. Basically what is revealed on screen is one of the funniest non-funny films of the year. It slots nicely into the so bad, it’s good category. Certainly not worth a trip to the box office, but worth a laugh at a later time. Why do I say this?

While it starts out fairly strong with a lovely view of Rio De Janeiro where our hero lives on a boat with a fancy record player and goes off to a rooftop bar for a nice drink, and probably a muffin. But what’s this? A random lady comes over in a lovely dress and tells him he has to kill three people otherwise they will tell people where ol’ Jason is. As you can imagine, he doesn’t take kindly to this and proceeds to beat the sh*t out of everyone who turns up to help him make the right decision. Oh and then he escapes by jumping off a sky tram thingy to land on a hang glider that happens to be coming by. Oh yeah, try not to laugh at that one…

Hi, I’m attractive and have lovely boobs. Will you save me and the children now?

At this point, we go to various places around the world, because maybe the cast and crew wanted a holiday out of all this as well as making a film, and while we see ol’ Jason take it easy in a beach cabin which happens to have lots of guns and a handy laptop to use, Jessica Alba turns up as the token sex symbol for the film. She is supposed to seduce Jason because kids she teaches in Cambodia were threatened by some evil tw*t that Jason knows from boy soldier school. Turns out as well, that she was an ex marine who saw too much blood and that’s why she went to Cambodia. I hope you’re paying attention to all this wonderful plot.

This arose Jason enough to not only sleep with her but also give her a watch, just before she gets kidnapped by the bad guys. Jason then has to go kill the three targets as he was asked to do in the first place to get her back. Cue various different locations with people dying in “accidents” and a deal with Tommy Lee Jones to not kill him, and you know we will get set up for an epic battle to the death to free the sexy Jessica Alba.

Well…. an epic battle for the second time, as the first time Jason finds the boat where Jessica and the Bad Chap from school is hiding because they just happen to, and proceeds to kill almost everyone on said bad guy’s boat, just to then bugger off and get told not to do it again because he was being naughty. And then Jason just gets told who to kill next regardless.

But don’t worry, Jason will just kill everyone all over again when it comes to the end of the film! Just keep an eye out for the well place grenades, the machine gun that mows people down when a string is pulled and Jason killing everyone from an inflatable raft which happens to be bulletproof. Seriously, Macgyver’s got nothing on Statham in this flick!

As it lunges from one plot hole and bad CGI explosion to the next, it happily fires out all the tropes you’ve come to expect from action films of the 80s, except it’s not the 80s any more. You know, It could have worked so well as a parody of action films, but everything was played so straight here, that in essence, it kind of makes it all the funnier.

As I said, this really is a case of a bad film being worth a watch just for laughs, so maybe catch it when it shows up on Netflix or Amazon in the future. But certainly don’t pay the asking price at the box office. The cast and crew have already had their money and holiday time so you don’t need to give them any of your cash to do it again.