Every expense was spared in the creation of this logo….

It’s the most wonderful time of the year when the various film studios around the world start shoving out their very best colouring in projects in order to try and win the coveted shiny shiny, then don’t bother till next year. So obvious is the practice now, that the studios don’t even bother mixing it all up and in fact tend to stick with the same formula. Almost everything is based on a true story, where one person or group fight for something they believe in, or against a bad system of something or other.

Probably there will be some emotional shouting, some uplifting grand music, everyone involved has already won something or been nominated before and so all those things hang over their names as they appear on screen. We know it all too well by now and frankly, it really takes the p*ss with the viewing public.

Forget the critics and those in the biz who are voting for each other to ensure they get the lovely golden doorstops, what about us; the paying public who will have nothing but all this crap to choose from in the cinemas for at least the next two months? Perhaps that statement could extend for the rest of 2016 judging from some of the recent trailers seen last year, but we’ll just stick to the awards season for now!

Go on lad, bang it, band it HARD!

Last year I managed to cover a number of, what has now been accepted into common language, “Oscar Bait” films which I sincerely suspect no one has ever gone back to since. Surely you too remember such soap operas like the completely over the top Whiplash, where you would be better off banging a drum kit over your own head rather than listen to the two main prize prats on display, even if J.K. Simmons was on good form.

We also had the film where they made Steve Carell and Mark Ruffalo look like melted waxworks, Foxcatcher (FoxF*cker to those who did read Ooh Sometimes regularly) in which people did wrestling…then someone got shot for no f*cking reason. Again, true story! Finally, the most noteworthy meh was Birdman which sadly had very little to do with the very funny Harvey Birdman: Attorney at law and instead was a lovely big in-joke about Hollywood and how we “the audience” just want big flashy blockbusters instead, which of course the luvvies all lapped up regardless.

Yep, still love this one, no matter what language it is….

Got to be honest, the comment I made back then about indeed wanting to go and enjoy such things still remains. As an example, Rapidos Y Furisosos 7 (love saying it in Spanish) got a lot more attention than most of this crap, and will still get repeated viewings for years to come. It certainly will never be Shakespeare, I know, but it’s a break from the norm and you know what, I’ll happily take Vin Diesel with his chums any day of the week over some of the complete award chasing bull-sh*t which came out at the beginning of 2015.

However, the 2015 Oscar Bait season wasn’t all bad and had some real surprises.

Big Hero 6, which won a shiny for Best Animated thingy, was in fact very enjoyable and has since had multiple viewings within the Fortress of Solitude. Kingsman: The Secret Service, while perhaps only winning shiny things from the likes of Empire Magazine, made me just repeatedly ask you if you had seen it even before going into why. Into the Woods, which was nominated for shiny shiny, was also quite enjoyable and indeed has had repeated performances since, if only to see current Captain Kirk, Chris Pine, who really hams it up as a Prince who tried to do naughty with James Corden’s wife. Actually, just like Captain Kirk really….

From the bloke who likes doing stuff based on true stories, comes another true story. With a bear, who isn’t in the picture.

So here we are in 2016 and already the list of award contenders is bursting at the seams, with the latest follow-up to Rocky, Creed, where we see a long hard slog between everyone even before they get into the bloody boxing ring. Woo….

Also showing now is The Hateful Eight, the latest western bloodbath to come from the guy who brought us the utterly confusing and crazy Inglorious B*sterds. You remember? It’s where Brad Pitt harnessed the power of Bruce Forsyth to extend his chin by 12 feet. And of course, we cannot forget about the lovely film where Leo Di Caprio gets some love from a bear after his son gets murdered for some reason, then goes off to kill people who offed said son (it’s all in the trailer kids so not even a spoiler), The Revenant.

All lovely and utterly prime to be something you never will bother to watch again, save for if a clip came up in a pub quiz, certainly if the trailers are to be believed. Not to worry, there’s Deadpool in February, but what do we do in the meantime?

Perhaps the cynicism I love to hold onto when it’s this time of year can be shaken by enjoyable film making with some wonderful performances, which for once would actually be worth the price of admission? One can only hope, as we will be taking the time over the next few weeks to start going through some of the biggest mentions of the Oscar Bait season along with a couple of ones which, well, it was free to go to so why not?

Join us next time, when we will remark on the first film on the frying pan of a fat bloke’s opinion stove, Room. No it really is just called Room, and it’s about a mother and her son who are locked in a room by a b*stard, who then escape from that room. Sounds like something you would happily watch with small children and those who have the Samaritans on speed dial? Perhaps, but maybe, just maybe…. there’s more to it than that?