Friends, countrymen, Romans, lend me 10p for a cup of tea.

For with that tea, let me tell you of a world which over the next year, we will actually be experiencing a great deal of deja vu.

Across the various forms of media, we will be watching, listening and playing sequels to works which proved a hit in one form or another. We’ve reached the point of saturation where now we will just have reboots or sequels as being the predominant entertainment with more original takes on themes, ideas and characters taking a back seat.

Now this is not going to go into a rant about that very thing, far from it, in many ways, it is very difficult to generate new original ideas, especially where now everything is now basically a derivative from another idea or premise. Where there is scope to progress and improve ideas which came before, we should wholeheartedly embrace those that follow.

I for one welcome our Marvel / Disney overlords who basically have got the formula right with giving variety to their huge amount of content, and who have published their film list for the next 5 years. They have reached the point where they are now producing great quality repeatedly where the heroes taking center stage have more than enough of their own problems to deal with and it’s something most people have been enjoying.

There’s been another glitch….

However, there has been more than enough entries in the annals of history to show where sequels would have been better off being left to gather dust on the shelves of various cupboards instead of being unleashed on the world. After the first Matrix movie, who gave a damn about the two that followed after the hype died? Who sighed a deep sigh when yet another Assassin’s Creed game was “leaked” to be in development when the recent Unity is still being fixed?

And that leads to the bulk of the content on show here today with the occasional f*ck thrown in for good measure. The following film trailers will be examples where there is great potential and where basically, the dust would have been better to remain in place. Let it begin;

Star Wars: Episode 7: A new fortune to buy Africa with

The minute this trailer came out, with the little information that was presented, it was enough to send various nerds and nerdettes the internet over into a mixture of happiness and outrage.

The thing is at this point, it could be just about the old cast who reprise their roles collecting their pension at the post office before taking the a-reg falcon with 237 billion light years on the clock out to Asda to get the weekly shop and this will still make £46 billion in the first 5 minutes. But will there be anything to this and the films that will follow (oh dear god, there are so many to come….)

The main curiosity more than anything else, is how they will move the story on now George Lucas has finished the last uber special 12 added effects director’s cutting of the previous films and gave Mickey Mouse the rights.

After all, the Return of the Jedi saw a second giant ball of death blow up, the evil emperor bloke was thrown down a shaft from which even Skippy the bush Kangaroo couldn’t help with, and everyone was dancing with Ewoks.

So it’s got to be the return of the bad guys as new people in some fashion and the same battle happening with new good guys with the old cast just hanging around giving advice and asking people to turn that loud music down right? Hasn’t it?

There is a whole year before it comes out and it is well established that once again there will be queues round the clock to see it. It’s a guaranteed winner, but having witnessed previous new films and cried over how honestly bad some of it was (Seriously, the phantom menace….we’re all looking at you) you do wonder if the hyperdrive will fail if you take it on it’s own merits.

Terminator: Geriatrics 

After the last film (which was more famous for Christian Bale apparently forgetting to behave like a human being when a crew member did something which was wrong or something), you kind of wondered if that was going to be that? After all Arnie was not really around any more save for some brief moments of CGI where his younger self was present kicking bottom as a bad machine once more.

Well we’ve had the answer released.

Once again, John Connor whose face has changed to the naughty prison guard doing bad things to Jason “Nipples Harder than you” Statham in Death Race, is sending another happy go lucky scamp back to save Sarah Conner from apparently another T-1000 from Toshiba or Skynet, whoever. If they have failed so many times to kill her, why wouldn’t they just send back a white flag and say, bugger it, let’s be friends?

Except Arnie is back too and not by the looks of things, in mute CGI form.

It seems that they have an old Terminator 101 present who stayed with her, hence his aging and in one scene, probably through large amounts of editing, Old Terminator may fight a younger version of himself.

Just the possibilities of what will happen will make you want to see this if nothing else, pure curiosity of whether or not they want to replicate more what happened in Terminator 2 instead of anything which came afterwards. Given that it may be more faithful than previous attempts and Arnie’s doing more interesting films since leaving politics, may give some room for hope. Perhaps though, just go in with low expectations.

FIFA Jurassic World Cup 

OK, hands up, who wanted this?

Someone must have said, yes the previous sequels were no where near as good and very forgettable, (aside from remembering Jeff “Nature finds a way” Goldblum and Sam Neill being in them, do you actually remember what happened? Nope? Thought so.) but it made money, let’s do another one.

The sad part is, from the trailer as well, it appears no-one actually remembered the events of the first film where they opened a park and things went to poop. At least at that point, the park wasn’t open to the general public.

No it is, and stuff happens. Let them all just die for being so stupid. In a way, it’s got a lot to live up to.

The first Jurassic Park pretty much got it all right from start to finish, from the amazing effects which more than stand up to the test of time even now, the characters coming into their own against an impossible situation, and some real horror moments which still cause wind to be passed in various trousers, it’s almost set-up to be another meh movie in which you will forget after falling asleep.

You may actually be better off owning just the first one and rewatching that at home instead of paying for the admission price on this one. Even Chris Pratt, who was an excellent selfish idiot / hero / guy with good music taste in Guardians of the Galaxy may not be able to carry this one.

And finally…..

Ok, this is a serious question. What….the…..f**k?

It was a genuinely s*it premise to start with and yet this was one which actually managed to secure funding for a sequel?

Perhaps the number of people who see it, will provide the numbers for who requires to be subjected to experimental surgery on their arses, as like the recent Horrible Bosses 2, this really is something which did not need to be made.

Watching the trailer, you swear your brain is trying to escape out of your ears, it can’t take any more. Please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…..

Ah wait, you say this will be used to torture terrorists in Guantanamo Bay? Oh well, carry on then.