Yes ladies, it’s me and I’m available!!!!!

All around the world various people have been posting comments and thoughts about the “Bono” of North Korea that is Kim Jong-il, the man who made grey jumpsuits sexy, had a golf handicap which made Tiger Woods change his name to Kitty Twig, and whose love for films forced him to kidnap people, was a bit too ill and died.

Although the main bulk of the comments have all been from Team America, which lets be fair, probably never made it onto his top 10 (it was the heartless portrayal of Matt Damon which apparently was the problem).

Today, North Korean state media, which in terms of accurate, unbiased reporting has come second next to Fox News, have been reporting pledges of loyalty to new leader Kim Jong-un after the death of his father.

The body of Kim Jong-il is lying in a right state….sorry that should have read “in state” in the capital Pyongyang as the public mourning continues in various streets, shops, cars, swimming pools and halls.

Even the state news anchor charged with breaking the news to the overly concerned masses was a shower of tears, if only because there was a gun pointed at her head just slightly off screen, again following in Fox News’ footsteps.

Though of course this is a tragic time for someone probably, there is an upside to all this. Given the sheer amount of liquid spilled over this news by every carbon based lifeform that happened to be in North Korea where there was cameras, surely we could put that to good use and then then airlift it all to Africa to solve the current drought crisis?

It hit them hard when they found out who won X Factor this year….

Or indeed use the tears to drown millions of puppies, whichever will honour the memory of Great Leader the more.

Kim Jong-il died on Saturday of a heart attack caused by overwork and stress, state media said. Yes, oppressing the masses and ensuring you p*ss off as many people as possible with missile tests really does take it out of you.

So with that legacy in mind, we can only wonder what the next contestant is like in the long running gameshow of power, Kim Jong-un, (is his brother called Kim Jong-uh, and his sister Kim Jong-Eh?) a man whose face ensures for all time that everyone thinks he’s consipated. That is the worry in many governments who have had their fair share of crap from North Korea in the past.

Even though there have been remarks about his western education giving him some better ideas about the west and what else is going on in the world, due to the current military dictatorship, he may actually have to resort to being even more of a cluster-f*ck for the world than his dad was, just to ensure that a Coup d’état doesn’t take place.

Did someone fart?

And given that may involve nuclear weapons, which have a limited range of household applications (except perhaps microwaving to a billion degrees that last turkey meal for one left in the freezer), let’s be fair, that might be a slight pause for thought. Then again, for all we know, he’s a stand-up chap who just wants to have a few beers and a BBQ. Hopefully though, not barbecuing his loyal subjects.

And in a way, that’s kind of the problem. In a world where everyone slaps everything online about their love for cats falling over on Facebook, and the FBI detain people for tweets about liking falafel (it’s communist food of course), pretty much that part of the world is pretty much cut off and therefore information coming in and out of the place is fairly scarce.

It was actually amazing about how much information the BBC and others were able to output for hours and hours on end about the solemn occasion, even though the vast majority of it was more about what America was going to do and how much they were going to be “overly concerned.”

These days, who actually knows what that means?

And so now, while we prepare for the next news item which will cause us to cry our hearts out, we leave you now in the only way we possibly could end a post about the legend that is Kim-Jong-il;

Good right and rerember to rot be so ronely at this difficult time.