Someone’s not having the time of their lives…

When it rains, it pours, and right now someone at News International better have a bucket handy to bail out the ever rising tide of brown stuff pouring on them from new heights not seen for generations, and god only knows what the state of the media in the UK will be after all the dust has long settled.

This ever evolving story of lies, treachery and deceit can only be described as the stuff of nightmares to people up and down the country, and still there is ever more that will come out in the days ahead. So given that events have moved apace since last time, and the news only had an earthquake to cover today, let’s recap on what’s been going on, in what some might say is rather boring commentary, and there’s not even much swearing either…

The number of people involved in this whole mess has risen to such a height, that the BBC has dedicated an entire page on their website with a list of people so long, that frankly it’s beginning to make ladies weak at the knees and for men to feel, inadequate.

Even more so, the supposition I made that BSkyB was still going to be bought, just not now right now due to people being slightly upset about their dead loved ones’ phones getting buggered with, took a left turn as News Corp dropped the bid to take complete control of the overpriced then under-priced in terms of shares (well, the crap TV remains overpriced) satellite broadcaster. Well given that there was a House of Commons motion tabled to discuss the whole thing due in a few hours from when the BSkyB withdrawal announcement was made, what else could they do?

But again, the language of the announcement was chosen very carefully, to not exclude them going after it in the future.

Remember that for the majority of all this, you could only feel cynicism with most of the characters invloved?

Well, the bandwagon remains in full swing for now, in addition to the actions being taken in this country, it seems that the FBI, apparently not having much to do these since Jack Bauer retired from blowing crap up to annoy them and Mulder went off to shag women in LA instead of looking over the X-Files, is investigating alleged hacking of the phones of 9/11 victims by the News of the World.

One of the most surprising outbursts, though not surprising once you know the story, was Gordon Brown, who recently made a public appearance, the first really since wandering off from that thing he used to do for a living, prime monster of Britain or something, and it turns out that he too was a victim of phone hacking and stuff too, in which the condition of his his son Fraser’s cystic fibrosis in 2006 fell into the public arena, courtesy of another of lovable Mr. Murdoch’s publications, the Sun.

Brown stands up, to deliver his notes on what he did yesterday after a nap.

Not only in speaking at the House of Commons openly about how sh*tty it all was for 35 minutes, in which people stayed around for 35 seconds to hear, he also gave an interview in which he further vented his anger about what had happened. Gordon’s plight was shocking, but as with all politicians again, one cannot help but feel, that all this is coming out at the same time which capitalises on the momentum that the phone hacking scandal has taken.

And with the celebrities all coming out with all sorts of bizzare stories of how they were hacked, caught, whatever, Hugh Grant came out about the phone hacking last week, appearing on everything going, you on on the one hand felt sorry for what happened and actually impressed by his command in the matter, even getting down on tape a conversation with a bloke who used to work for the News of the World for good measure in a feat of quite unbelievable brilliance, but did anyone just for a moment remember the prostitute he did naughty with and laugh to themselves before putting on the concerned face again? (I did, oh me, pick me!)

Unless they can given everyone in the world a million pounds and a blowjob by all women working in the playboy mansion, it’s very hard to see exactly how News Corp can actually get out of the massive black hole they find themselves in, even with pending appearances before various committees to answer questions or making various comments in other publications, in which Darth Murdoch vows to correct lies said in Parliament and also to shed light on how many people were his friend before this all started (cough Gordon cough).

The fact that it’s so far widespread and threatens to unravel one of the world’s most famous media empires, is frankly borderline pornographic viewing, and it’s actually feeding the media beast which arguably started it all in the first place. As we keep watching, and waiting for the next big reveal on this magic roundabout, let’s hope that there is an actual funny punchline to all this. Right now, it’s just not funny.