Short answer to that ever wonderful question is in fact; be a celebrity or filthy rich on the back of someone else’s work.

So when you have made it big, then open up a Twitter account, at which point if you’re indeed popular, you will be asked to verify yourself. Once that happens, you’ve made it and can now write about that piece of toast you had with thousands of open-mouthed cavemen hanging on your every word.

Well done you.

If that option has failed, then pretty much you’re going to be a small fish in an astronomically large ocean and that will pretty much not change until you do something that attracts people’s attention.

These days we all try to shout about ourselves on the Internet, so why not write one of these wonderful things? What’s that you say? A blog? Me? Write? Using? Words? My god, he’s mad, mad I tells you, MAD!>K!LK!&IUHIKOL”H$*&”Y*&”YR, riots in the street, badgers being burned etc.

On the face of it thought, it seems there are plenty of reasons against embarking on a quest such as blogging, twttering and all that. For starters, it appears judging from 2 minutes of using a search engine that a high number of these new things created are abandoned within a month of the first post. And very few of the blogs out on the internet are ever updated with anything of note.

So why does a good idea at the time fall down burning like the Hindenburg blimp?

It’s the aformentioned “Small fish in large ocean” problem. Why bother writing the actual answer to the meaning of life with no exposure on the outside world, when everyone seems to go watch another f**king cat on Youtube yawning instead because some gimp thought it was so funny, he exploded. Good, that means one less email sent about sh*t to delete.

Another common reason is time or perceived lack thereof.

When you’re breast feeding 17 kids at the same time while hoovering the local church with a waffle iron or working all hours to keep a cardboard roof over your head and fight the rats for Mcdonalds leftovers, the last thing you’ll want to do with your time is sit down at a keyboard and write endless amounts of rubbish, unless you actually just type “I want to die” 400 times in a row and then perform experiments on yourself with sharp objects.

We also have become vast consumers of media, ranging from the soul-destroying reality tv shows (OMG, Cheryl is wearing clothes, that bitch!), to playing endless farming games on Facebook which serve no point other to kill you inside more slowly than ever before possible when playing Farming Simulator 2010 on the PC. Yes, it does exist. It’s all easier to sit back and watch rather than take the time to create anything.

With that in mind, is there anything that potentially can be done to curtail these negative thoughts?

Some people recently asked how I managed to even cobble together sentences in English, let along come up with content which apparently, is not that bad. What’s more, how is it done in a way that doesn’t makes baby Jesus cry?

There really isn’t that much to it, as you will see below.

Be original: Oh well there’s a big fat shocker right there, be original, even though there are countless people who also say the exact same thing on the subject. Unfortunately at this point of the game, you cannot truly be original as pretty much everything has been done to death, then revived, then shot in the head for disappointing us for being the same thing again.

Perhaps the best way to achieve this, is to put your own spin on subjects, with a different point of view that may resonate with people in a way that you never thought possible. However, please don’t write things like “Hitler was just misunderstood” as typically, that doesn’t go down well. Unless the purpose of it is to just p*ss the Jews off as you happen to be Osama Bin-Lid.

Show the people you care: Well I say care in the loosest term there, as really, you’re just wanting everyone to look at you and think “OK, he’s not a complete pr*ck. Ish….”

So respond to any comments that don’t invlove little blue pills or Russian Brides. If they have a space on the web themselves, let them know that you’d been there. Best way to do that is to leave a comment which actually does comment about whatever crap they’ve written or failing that, a burning pile of dog poo on their front doorstep.

Patience, young Skywalker: Pretty much it’s going to take a long time before anything happens and you even reach the heady heights of 10 site views a day from actual people, but if you continue to write, somehow, somewhere beyond the sea, somewhere waiting for me….no wait, err….what was the point again?

Be consistent: The hardest balance of all is writing quality posts often enough to ensure that people visit more often. The odd Youtube post is ok, but as you all probably saw on Ooh Sometimes earlier this year, pretty much it was a digital barren wasteland filled with crap videos and spelling errors. Now, it’s just spelling errors.

So there you have it good people. The secret to success, which you will all now forget and go back to watching the cat with the mouth wide open again before becoming famous for wearing underpants anyway. You make me sick with your IPADS and IBRAS and…and….Please don’t leave me alone here…..