During the course of last week, the US people went to vote for various people to sit in big buildings and do stuff on behalf of them, or get embroiled in various scandals, you can never be sure as an outsider looking at it all.

This series of events is known as the “midterm elections”, not only as it falls within 2 years of the President being elected to the Office starring Ricky Gervais, but it also allows people to demonstrate their approval or disdain for the administration’s record to date.

It reached number three in the charts. (Cue drum roll and groans)

Across America, the Republican party, now fully removed from the likes of Karl Rove (or the emperor from Star Wars) and Mr. Bush jr. who apparently has been speaking recently to promote his new colouring book about the time he said the Iraqis were all pussies and decided to go after them or something, seems to have retaken part of the hill where the important buildings stand in Washington, the House of Representatives, which apparently is a delightful three bedroom terrace with on-suite bathrooms.

They also stole a number of Senate seats, which the police are currently investigating because no matter what the price of furniture is risen to given the current economic climate, that’s no excuse for stealing.

Undoubtedly it was in response to several policies which met opposition, the big one appearing on the face of it to be universal healthcare such as what is currently enjoyed in the likes of the UK and Canada. Probably the job losses and tough times meant that anyone who is in the Office starring Ricky Gervais at the moment, was not going to be dancing into the night from any of this.

Regardless of the reasons behind it all, you can be sure there will be continuous commentary by the various media outlets (even after a week now) on someone failing to do something about a thing with a guy at a time at a place, when someone will come on to comment, dribbling over the desk as they do so. As outsiders, we wouldn’t have a clue on where to begin in such matters. We have enough to do worrying about what Captain “Dave” Cameron and the Pirates of the Collation here will do next to make baby Jesus cry.

However, what was evident on the night in question when voting had ended, counts were being counted, and gimps were being gimped, was in fact how much of a bunch of “Yippee ki-yay” motherhumpers the US officials are and how much it was all lapped up by the public.

The first somewhat minor offender is Marco Rubio, who after thanking everyone else for loosing, began his wonderful speech by declaring that we are all children under one all powerful god, and gave a small sermon about how God is great. Then the family got carted out, and you have to say that the guy’s been busy what with bringing up 4 kids, helping the homeless and solving world hunger etc.

It seems that there also had to be the mandatory tale of courage, and struggle, that one man could fight for us all and lead us all to the promised land, which will end up no doubt as a crap masterpiece starring Eric Roberts on Real Life Movies 2. Oh can you feel it all rising? The smell of sh*t?

Ok, he came from a difficult background and let’s be fair, the man’s done well to be elected to do whatever it is he’s supposed to do. But this same thing was repeated with other speeches from other candidates, they all had the same thought of things were going to be bad, which also happened to occur in a good old American diner with “regular” folks. They also seem to have 573 kids each which makes for both crowded stages and longer thank you speeches, and wives who are botoxed within an inch of their lives, and have smiles only held in place by string.

There were times where a number of the candidates seemed they weren’t sure that what was being said, therefore it had to be repeated over and over again just in case they got it wrong(Yes Mr. Rubio, we know you’re going to the senate, we got it the first time, as well as the other 40 times you said it in your speech).

But the oscar for best performance goes to “Crying man” John Boehner’s acceptance speech, which he broke down during his own particular hardship story, oh and of course thanked everyone who ever lived. The only way it could have been more dramatic is if there was a 40 piece orchestra playing in the background with rain pouring down in him, and he was screaming “WHY!?!”.

Even more so worrying were the comments by some of the American public interviewed on BBC News. One guy mentioned “Obamacare is bad” so often, it was registered as a trademark and splashed on a t-shirt within 2 minutes. Another, seemed to have only recently discovered the English language, and therefore had to be assisted by reading out loud “Mr. Bumble goes to the seaside.”

When the eyes of the world are watching this all unfold live with performances like this… what the hell are we truly meant to think?