All around the world, various individuals were queuing for what has become a yearly event.

The release of the “let me have it now or your dog dies” sequel to the biggest selling video game in history (Yes, it even beat “Ye olde pong” from 1673) has brought pleasure to literally people. Some people even queued to ensure they got it at midnight, forgetting real concerns such as food, shelter and who is going put that man on fire out?

Hot on the rotting corpse that I have no doubt the previous release will be discarded as, Call of Duty African-American Ops (we’re not racist) will provide a new platform in which 7 year old underpants burners complain about being eliminated, progressing onto making sexual remarks about the opponents’ mothers and then after 3 minutes of getting bored, purchase new and exciting maps for above market rate pricing. The circle of gaming life.

Special events were held in cities across the globe to mark the release.

However it must be stated that the special events were not held for the aforementioned Call of Duty: African-American Ops (we’re not racy-ist), oh no. We must put that aside for the moment, for something far more earth shattering has come to our attention. Something so special, so magnificent in stature, it will change the way we play modern games forever.

With wide-eyed gazes, and a skip in our step, we present to you what is quite possibly, the greatest game ever.

Yes friends, forget an epic tale of warfare through the ages, changing from character to character both locked on different sides of the same situation, ensuring that we get to go to McDonalds again safe in the knowledge it will be the food that kills us and not Islamic funder-mentalists working for Burger King. (Well the single player is really “just wandering where the little arrow tells you to go” and fire a gun at things, but we’ll leave that for the moment.)

Forget the award winning or the “exact same from the last few games” multi-player experience set in a number of compact yet lethal levels designed to pit your aiming wits against some of the best players in the world, with so much customisation available to you, you could end up making your character look like the best dressed guy at Mardi-Gras.

What we have for you now, is Tetris with tits.

In Sexy Adventures on Porn Island (oh how I’ve longed to be able to type those words and actually be referring to something real), you play as a castaway in the gender of your choice, which just demonstrates really how this is a game for everyone, washed up on the aforementioned island.

It seems that the locals, far from thinking their economy would benefit from a call center, Starbucks and a prison, instead they decided to create a thriving film, industry and what they chose to film is porn. Makes perfect sense. Oh look, it appears the protagonist you play in the game is required as a lead star in said theatrical masterpieces and therefore only you can ensure that Red Tube has enough material to last to the end of time itself. In fact the plot has more depth than traditional movies judging from this outline.

But of course there is the catch and as the website for this game states “… what is important is that instead of filming the traditional way, on Porn Island they make films the sexy way: by playing puzzle games!” No sorry, it’s mainly just Tetris with tits. Sorry, I forgot “Boob-Tube (which is one of the other “puzzles”). And it gets better, as you will see from the screenshot below;

There are of course different size tiles you have to marry up, and once you do combine the tiles in the correct manner, you then of course get more real estate to place the ever falling tiles until you clear the level. But, of course, this being a game of such epic class, it’s about to become the Queen’s official computer game, the rules have been slightly relaxed here.

The tiles themselves contain various men and women in different poses, and in order to move the film forward you have to manoeuvre them into such a position that they are able to work their craft on each other. This can be a combination of man part to women’s mouth, or girl on girl 69 action. There are a few positions to try and in fact the recommended strategy guide will be the Karma Sutra, shortly available in all GAME stores in the UK to accompany the game as a “fun pack”.

Of course the difficulty increases over time, with various bit part actors arriving in the background and you still have to make the combinations work, but succeed and you can upload your money shot scores to the internet where other skilled artists try to beat you (off) to the top.

There are even extra film types beyond the standard sci-fi, pirate and photo shoot scenarios. Yes, it’s hard to believe but the game has DLC, though somehow there is the nagging feeling that none of this finely crafted piece of work will probably not make it on to Xbox Live.

Truly, we have reached the height of entertainment.

(For god’s sake, can I stop now, it’s getting too hard to type through the tears in my eyes….)