It’s the first post for August 2008 and amazingly I have an amazing announcement: it’s now been a two full years since Ooh Sometimes started on this bizarre digital realm, and at the moment there is a feeling of nostalgia hovering over us like the comedy rain cloud you see in….err….comedy films…

Let’s just have a look back at the very first ever blog post on Ooh Sometimes:

(cue wizzy special effects, failing that we’ll do the doodle-le-doo from Wayne’s World)

Well here is my first entry on a blog in quite a long time as it goes. At the great kindness of my friend, Mr Tebbutt, I now have a small place on the internet to make silly little comments about what is happening in life, and other things besides.

Well as I write this it is 12:30am on Wednesday 2nd August 2006. Coming up in the blog will be things work-related, the old Love life (of which there is a possible mini saga to be released, as soon as I know how I will end it!! LOL) and of course things I find funny.

All in all, I hope to add a fair amount soon.

Bye for now and thanks for reading!

(cue the wizzy special effects again and suddenly we’re back to being in colour)

Wow. Now that is what we call in the industry, writing. It’s to the point, laid out what was coming and actually by the looks of things, looked pretty normal in the grand scheme. You kind of think that from that above text, I would write about those lovely kittens and how my mommy made me laugh by baking the wrong cakes or some other equally crap subjects that most “bloggers” thrust upon the internet convinced that there will be one idiot besides them who will read it.

Times have indeed changed, when I actually wrote that post which would become the start of the awe-inspiring greatness you see here now before you, I was a mild-mannered desktop guy, with a crap title, the Space Adventurer, what was I thinking?

And now, two years on, I am now a mild-mannered server-type guy, with a slightly better sounding title; The Lord of Leisure. Almost seems like fate doesn’t it?

And yet somehow the writing hasn’t really gotten that much better.

Oh sure, over the years there have been a few articles of note, touching on subjects of evil such as the state of the world affairs, relationships, the meaning of life, games and possibly issues regarding the man up the street touching me in a bad way.

We can only hope that we continue to see such award-winning content being published and the world bow at it’s greatness.

Now, let’s turn to a subject very dear to my heart and one that affects us all; the search for a tin opener.

Indeed, the beloved tin opener device, something invented during World War I as a possible new weapon to defeat the German tanks and was then used by Gandhi to destroy the British Empire’s grip on India, is an impressive device and one which makes the task of opening tins of food effortless.

Yesterday during the trial of attacking a quality tin of Baked Beans to lash down upon the plate holding the toast, it was apparent that the tin opener that had been left in the flat was about as effective as petrol putting out a fire.

The results of failure were devastating. The lord of leisure sighed a great big sigh, and then began to cry. His world made no sense, up was down, black was white, which as it turns out, kind of freaked people out when they began looking at pictures of Barry White, to find he had been replaced by a tiny white guy from Finland.

Then, a ray of joy beamed through the window, which was impressive considering the windows hadn’t been washed in 10 years, and the build almost cut off light from the outside world.

Why don’t we go and get another one?

Consumed by rage and a lust for breaded products with beans on them, The Lord of Leisure battled his way down the stairs, past the urine stains he left the day before and literally walked to the nearby supermarket. With a plan to purchase one of the fine tin opening devices from said supermarket and cupping funds to do so, surely there could be nothing that could go wrong?

Alas for our intrepid and slightly toxic hero, it was not to be. Having avoided three rows of prams and an old person on one of those cool little scooters that everyone should be allowed to steal, he proudly did back-flips all the way to the Kitchenware section, where the price laid. But no! It appears other people’s tin openers had malfunctioned, for on the rack, there was not one left.

Onwards through not one, not two but three stores later, finally we arrived at the last hope for salvation before The Lord of Leisure would be forced to return home, and just use butter on the toast: The palace of Waitrose.

Some say that it’s aisles are lined with gold, and the staff never leave the shop, because it is heavenly bliss. Sadly, we all know that really the fortress is full of broken dreams, all prepared to deceive people out of their hard earned pounds by over charging for everything.

But they had a tin opener, not only that they had several types to choose from, including an electrical beast that did the monumental task by itself. Despite sweating over the device which did something for him, thus allowing him to be even more leisurely than before, the Lord had to choose the £5 one.

The day was saved, but for how long?

Ok, so it was a long-winded story about struggling to find a tin opener of all things, but it actually shows that the simple things in London, even something as silly as the humble tin opener, can be a right little b*****d to find. It gets worse for other things, but that shall be left for another time, I sense your attention span’s end draws near.

Maybe it’s all down to the fact that I also had to pay £5 for the privilege of having a tin opener, on the other hand however, it is “the best selling can opener in the world”. It said so on the box. Doesn’t exactly inspire you though, as you kind of wonder, if they keep selling so many, does that mean they brake easily too? I think I have to take this old mother out for a test drive….

After all that then, here endeth the two-year mark post of Ooh Sometimes, when you have this much waffle, why would you settle for it anywhere else? 🙂