Some people would say that to meet a person who has been on television is actually quite a difficult thing to do. You would have to go through a legion of PR people to only find out that because you are little Jimmy from no.47 and not the Queen, that obtaining an audience is most difficult.

Actually, it’s easier than you think. If you want to go spotting for people with a wee bit more money, just go to Soho Square.

I know what you are thinking. Soho, is the seedy place for going for “relaxation” and other colourful phrases which basically mean the same thing: You’re after a guaranteed bonk.

But instead of being a place where you would expect to find naughty dirty kinky sexy shops and other fellow humans aiming for your heart and body parts beyond, you will find a tight collection of well known companies such as Tiger Aspect Productions and 20th Century Fox. The FA are there are well, though being frank, the only thought that came into my mind is “shame it’s not on fire with them all in there…”

In the space of 5 minutes, I caught the sight of:

Paul Gambal…Gambol….Gandalf, sorry I really can’t spell his surname. He’s a yank who does radio stuff and other things.

Noel Fielding from the Mighty Boosh, who was enjoying the company of two other old people. And yes, he really does wear those funky outfits in real life. The red shoe/boot things prove it.

Kathy Burke, who was in Harry Enfield and Chums, and then basically buggered it all up by making that god awful “Gimme Gimme Gimme” for the BBC.

And yet, I didn’t go up to them, annoy them like I did the others, because, It occurred to me that the last thing they would want is a fat f**kwit wobbling up them, trying to be funny and then get a picture with a crappy camera phone thing. Let’s be fair it’s not the highlight of the day is it?

Mind you the highlight for me wasn’t that transvestite who was hanging around in Borders either, basically looking around for god knows what, it was both comically and frightening. So I guess it isn’t peaches and cream all the time for anyone is it? Maybe then next time I should go up to one of them and ask what’s new in life? Surely it’s got to be better than looking at a man in a dress?*

*Sorry Scottish people, you can’t talk either, call it what you want, it’s a dress.