A fair while ago, I was in a bit of a downtrodden funk while residing in the current quarters here in London, a place with 6 letters in its name. You see, I have to be honest, where I am currently staying, I am fully convinced the place is only held together using sellotape, blu-tack and some sour cream from Belgium.

The shower alters between burning pain of hot, and a temperature so cold, it makes you forget about women for at least 72 hours. There appears to be an animal not of this earth living in a pile of crap underneath the stairs, and when questioned about this, the answer I received was “It mostly comes out at night, mostly….”

It has got to the point where I don’t even venture home after work for some time, simply to avoid having to trundle back until it’s absolutely necessary. I suppose that’s why despite my best or not very best efforts, I have dropped back to seldom writing on this tome of the damned as much, my uber of a machine, lies dormant within the clutches of the cave, powerless and gathering dust.

Before even heading down to the big city, I knew what the place was like beforehand, a throwback to the 1970’s eastern europe where a turnip had to be shared between 50 people and electricity was something to be afraid of, and yet, just like the Jews believing the Germans when they said “Go on, you have a nice shower now” I believed it was the best situation.

That opinion had altered and of course that led to the situation with the Flat scams from Gumtree, of which I have still heard nothing from the mentioned combatants, so still gun-shy from that ordeal, I tried something different:

Yes, that film did feature myself from that fateful evening.

The event was called as you may have guessed from the crappy title, Flat Night Fever and was a brain child of some twisted psychopath who works for a flatmate website whose name escapes me.

The idea is quite like speed dating except without a 40 year old man with an Elvis fixation and therefore having a quiff in his hair…you would find him on the 5th floor where there was actual speed dating in the same place.

You go around meeting potential flatmates, asking them details about their place and take details. That’s it. The plus side is you have more than three minutes. The downside was it was in an expensive bar where even tap water costs you a fiver and before they started you were forced to watch a glittering example of bad acting which was something to do with how not to behave as a flatmate or something, you couldn’t really tell as they had the volume of wasps next to a speeding train.

Still never mind, maybe what gets presented after will be good.

Looking at central we had some estate agents who were eager to sign people up to studios for £400 a week. A f**king room in, as it turns out, not very central London I have to say, given one lot of properties were based in Crawley, for £400 a week.

So around I go, and met a very attractive lady who had a room in Bermondsey, a place described to me before as an armpit. Because she was very nice looking, The Lord of Leisure turned on the charm, with all the presence of a custard stain on a shirt. Somehow it was working, even the most absurd jokes which have been handed down from generation to generation, she seemed to laugh.

But the room had no room according to her good self for the mighty uber beast PC, and regretfully the discovery of how easy it is to get a lady was not on the agenda for this evening, it was cut short, and I wandered off. I spoke to various people, all whom were wanting lots of money for not that much.

There was even an older lady who was annoyed that she was was asking for a lot of money and people at the event wanted cheap accommodation. Where she was, it wasn’t near any lines of transport either, she really needed a good slap, and that’s being kind.

The best one actually was with a oriental fella from Hammersmith who I was sitting next to in the youtube video above, he was very nice, it wasn’t far from the Piccadilly line for work, only sharing with him and it was £700 a month all inclusive.

I almost went for it, but alas after looking at the ongoing money situation, because moving down cost a lot of money in the first place, I need to be cheaper than that, and so I let that golden opportunity pass by into the night. It appears I will have to wait just a little longer.

So another night out in the West End, and another learning experience. One which was actually was more beneficial than gumtree’s wonderful system. It was worth while to know the type of people you were likely to meet when going for house or flat shares,