Warning: Most of the text on this post has been embellished to be funny. Or at least, a bad attempt at being funny. Enjoy!

Some of you may have been wondering what the Lord and Lady of Leisure did over the bank holiday weekend. Some of you of course, will not really care, as long as there wasn’t too much blood shed and the police weren’t asking questions as to why you were named as a suspect in a violent weeing up the wall incident.

No fears on that front of course dear readers, We were down the capital city of the nation called England, as the last post will attest to, as writing on the blog has been most absent, almost as if I wasn’t here to write….

The main reason was to attend a reasonably upper class affair in an art gallery on the Sunday, where the Lady of Leisure was attempting to swindle people out of their hard earned cash by using an elaborate pulley system and some beans, or we could even stretch it to a plot from Hustle from the BBC, where she flickers her eyes at some old man with expensive clothes, and Danny would seal the deal by promising Canary Wharf for $125,000. Why dollars and not pounds, I just don’t know.

Either that, or she was there to sell her paintings.

Below you will find a few of the photos taken during the celebrations where a bit of free alcohol and nibbles were to be had, you would look at some of the paintings on the wall and decide that they were rubbish and move on, while pretending to like it.

Now the above image needs a little extra text to cover why Natalie would be painting instead of wandering around various people stealing their wallets and ruining their dreams. There was a blank canvas there for any one to come along and paint, which if it was any good as a result of everyone contributing, I dare say the gallery would proceed to sell it for 14 billion roubles, claiming that Fidel Castro himself vomited on that very canvas.

Here there were various levels of society all talking about various topics while paying no attention to each other. It was a rather interesting experience, as I learned the art of “talking about things” to complete strangers without having the comfort of the USB mic connected to the PC at home.

The organisers were most personable, and the ability to impress someone with stupendous amounts of technical waffle which more than likely is incorrect cannot be underestimated. There was also an Australian woman who painted various images which at first were hugely confusing, and you would think that some magic substance was consumed at the time. However, there were stories underneath said paintings, which enlightened us all and we all put our phones away, not wanting to call the funny farm people.

Here we have two people standing in front of some of the work.

Don’t worry, it’s not just a case of taking random pictures of people for the purpose of contract killing, it’s Maria with her new shiny boyfriend friend.

The Lithuanian contingent was quite strong at the opening, with someone from the embassy turning up, more than likely hoping for a PR opportunity to change people’s perceptions of the country, that there is talent there and not just a lot of potatoes and frogs. We had a good chat with a number of people there and it was most interesting to compare art with music for example.

During one conversation, it was agreed that a painting with just three colours colouring in some wallpaper from B&Q was a load of rubbish. Another artist from Norfolk, was just exhibiting his work, and it turns out he thought a lot of the work was rubbish too. The one main thing to take away from the experience truly was, that many people in the art world are pretentious. In a bad way.

They smile etc, but they seem to be hiding the fact that they all hate anyone else’s work. And also modern art appears to be hated a lot too. I happen to agree with them on that for a lot of it.

Video Taken at the far,far,far party

And there we have it, ladies and gentlemen, for your rabid lust, a small taster of what an art exhibition opening can look like.

We in fact left after 8pm to have some drinks with the aforementioned Maria and said boyfriend friend, whose name escapes me at the moment, but I’m sure that someone will email in saying it’s Dave. In fact we wandered through Soho, where the impossible happened. At long last, we found the naughty shops.

Yes the places of ill-repute, selling various things designed to arouse and confuse you at the same time, such as inflatable dolls and cut-price DVDs which frankly doesn’t leave you wondering that much why they are so cheap.

And then this happened…..

Indeed as the name on the store suggests, it was a spank-o-rama. After that X-rated picture was confiscated by the police for them to “review” down the station, we enjoyed some uber nice Chinese food, and proceeded to drink far too much Pimms and Coke in a local pub, where it was discussed what music would you want to have a poo to. Flight of the Valkyries was an obvious choice.

We skipped over Saturday and Monday, as that was mainly taken up by huge coach journeys as the Train system was broke that weekend, this time on purpose by Network Rail. However I will say this: If you get the chance and the money to do so, eat at Adam’s Rib near Piccadilly Circus. Once you have some of those ribs in BBQ sauce, you will want to take it to bed, finish off and have a cigarette afterwards.