All yesterday, there was turmoil, because things shook around here as a result of an earthquake which has caused people to react with horror, and then proceed to make the same f**king joke all day: Did the earth move for you last night? (Cue the waa waa music)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a right dirty minded scamp at the best of times but at the very least give us some variety to the same old stories, it was akin to the undead captions of “phew, what a scorcher” and the hundreds of Nazis references when England play Germany.

And actually it goes to show that that was the most urgent matter of the day that things moved about a bit for a few seconds. I had no idea, until the morning, and others all around couldn’t stop talking about it. Are we just that bored as a nation?

Although afterwards we received reports via text that Preston was devastated. The damage estimate was between £10 and £20. Mercy!