And finally for the last of the three Christmas write-ups for the week ending 16th December 2007, or week ending 15th December 2007 depending on where you consider the week ends and the new one begins, I give you the works Christmas doo.

Every year, where I work, they rent out the International Centre in Telford, and allow all the broken hearted people who are driven into the ground, wondering what’s the point any more, and consider throwing themselves off a cliff, just to reach the Samaritans phone cunningly placed at the bottom of the cliff. They are a funny bunch, the Samaritans!

As I was saying before going off on a complete tangent, this event allows the workforce to unwind, drink lots on behalf of their respective companies, dance like silly people and makes sure that you can’t face certain people come the next day.

They also have a theme running every year, this year of course as mentioned previously on the blog, the theme was the school disco, where people of various ages dress up in school stuff or not. Sounds simple doesn’t it? You get some food, a lot of booze, a free casino where you can win nothing and a stage show. Should be good. Cue applause.

Before I go into what happened, I have to remark on something which I found on the Telford international centre website:

“The best party in town. You certainly don’t want to miss it! Each year it just gets better, so roll on Christmas 2007!” Alison Henderson

I always thought it was the only party in Telford.

Oops.

Anyway, the evening started off pleasantly enough, I was driving this year you see, last year I was so buggered after drink and other various “things” that the Friday afterwards, I could barely stand. So I decided not to do that and was confined to drinking normal non-digestive system destroying drinks, and Steve was my passenger, suitably dressed in school attire and hitting the baby booze quickly. After all, if it’s free, then you generally expect a stampede to the bar.

The evening for me was one of catching up with people you haven’t seen around the place for a fair while, various people came out of the woodwork and it was grand to see them being perfectly honest without caring that at some point we had to go back to our desks. Though, it must be said, I spent very little time with the people I do work with now. No offence, but I see you conniving bastards every work day, and there were more women elsewhere.

Before I continue, big up (I believe that’s the street term) to Laura (who wanted pictures of everything), Alistair, Rachel and Bedelia (we discussed which women we would have, best conversation of the night), Dorris, Squiz, Jason, Rob, Matt, Niki, Chris, Coop, and everyone else whose names have fallen out of my head again. That won’t mean much to everyone in the outside world, but never mind.

Before retiring to the dining room, we were treated to school kids singing various songs from Christmas past, the ones that torture you during going to any public place at this time of year, I swear at one point in the future, people will riot and burn every Christmas compilation album every released. They didn’t want to be there, it was clear, who would want to sing to a group of people whose sole purpose was to piss and moan about work, while forgetting that if they have one more whisky, they will need their stomachs pumped.

The place was less packed than I remember (what little I do remember from last year) from last time, possibly a sign of the strained times, but then again, what people were there did give it some go. Fair play, only one person tried to dance on the table, and the rest wandered about a bit.

The main music disco type thing was good, the band bless them, blasted out hit after what-the-hell-was-that, though it appears they thought they were playing Glastonbury, being very glad to be in Telford (please, no jokes) and then telling the by-this-time buggered crowd who they all are, asking them to get a round of applause as each band member did something.

Let it be said, the only thing worse to receive than no applause is one person clapping.

The food was an issue of contention (remember it’s free) as it appears they were employing 1st year primary school kids, the same ones who performed on the stage earlier and who had received so much adulation, as they hadn’t learned how to cook. Never mind, I’m sure one report to the authorities will halt the child labour abuse and force them to employ people from Poland. Dammit, I demand Polish workers to feed our fat asses!

The casino filled you with the excitement that comes with winning and losing nothing, though a part of me is convinced they are running a extremely crap money laundering scheme, photocopying one side of a hundred dollar bill, come on at least scan both sides and print in colour. Do you want to be taken seriously on the international scam stage?

I am gutted that I left the party, not only sober but sans one crate of Budweisers owed to me by “assisting” someone with their degree work. I’m coming to get you sir. I know where occasionally you are, maybe…

And after getting back to Shrewsbury I settle down for the night, only having to wake up early and depart for home the next day. And don’t worry Steve, I have already started researching the remote control tumbleweed device for use when people make no sense what so ever, and the moment has that rubbish silence. Just be warned, when I start talking, the thing will be burned out due to overuse.