Last night I partook of the DayWatch film with Natalie, that some of you will remember I did indeed write about some time ago, ah those were the days filled with nights of wild spaghetti fights and tying the next door neighbours cat to the back of someone’s car only for them to drive off, cat in tow.

But those days are far behind now, so at the very least for those of you with the memory capacity of the fish coloured gold, here doth be thy recap:

It’s a Russian film in the same vain of Blade and Underworld, with bits of the Matrix thrown in. But I never said what the story was, did I? For that I suppose I could easily just say go and buy the DVD with dubbed English from a shop that sells such things along with a magazine and a yo-yo, and then you could catch up that way.

But because I am a fine example of what men should be, I will give you the back story, where the main character Anton starts doing naughty, trying to give his ex-wife a bit of grief via the helpful services of a witch. It goes a bit “name that rhymes with wrong” as the witch is caught by the NightWatch who says stop doing bad things you woman and takes her away.

And Anton starts working for them, and ends up doing naughty for the good guys, who in some ways remind me of something I have now forgotten. Must have been memorable… Along the way you encounter Anton’s son, some bad people wanting to do naughty to Anton after he does naughty with them and A blonde woman who almost brings about the end of the world because she accidentally cursed someone.

Oh and there is this truce that if either side break, a war would start with Good and Evil again and end of world motif comes back into play. Bad vibes there my funky friends.

DayWatch continues from that first film and well if you haven’t seen the first, you won’t have a clue what’s going on, much like me when someone talks to me about a topical subject that’s been happening and I have just spent the last three weeks staying in my room eating beans with a comb because I couldn’t be bothered to wash up.

In essence, the story does make sense, there is some chalk that can change your fate if you write out what you want, or indeed just to write 1000 times “I promise not to show girls my collection of bottles because it’s sad.” Then teacher says you can go.

Anton likes the chalk idea, and goes off to find while being set-up for murdering some people from the evil side, which is something which can trigger the war between good and evil again. Meanwhile we see a witch drive a car on the side of a hotel, and a very bizzare scene in the shower where it suddenly becomes a cheap tacky plastic love garden, and Anton is wearing Women’s clothing.

Now if that doesn’t whet what taste buds are still working in your mouth, here’s the big selling point: It’s all in Russian. Save for the introduction, you will read words all the way through, which means you have to pay attention, which means the film will fail like the beagle probe to Mars.

It’s because people want to switch off and be spoon fed the plot by big films so they just have cheap thrills and spills. If you are a Foreign film (excluding America there, simply because the vast majority of films are from there, we don’t make many good ones) with subtitles, the best audience you can hope for is a group of art students examining the film for nude bits they can use for their pictures produced using brown stuff from their bottoms. And there has to be one of ’em wearing a beret and have a triangle beard thing.

But if you do pay attention and follow this film, despite the fact it does try and shoe horn in far too much for the time it’s on, you will find all sorts of metaphors and you can fill in the blanks why things happened the way they did.

Except for the ending, even that confused me because there are three books which go, NightWatch, DayWatch and DuskWatch. I am wondering how they get to the next one from how they ended, if they do that is. And possibly I have even given away too much there about what happens.

See it for yourselves and see what you think, but not before you watched the first film. Otherwise you will go: What the (suitable swear word for this question) was that?