The last couple of days have been spent in seclusion, working leisurely on the podcast, 12 minutes of the epic 10th episode has been recorded, which leaves 18 minutes to take care off tomorrow which should be no issue. I have departed slightly from the usual format, mainly because I wanted to. A change is as good as a rest, or so I am told, surely if you are doing the same level of work but just in a different place, you are still working, so a rest would still be most welcome?

It’s just one of a number of sayings which confuse me, mind you many things confuse me as you all well know. One thing which confused me yesterday at the gym, is why pain is good, and also the fact that when you exercise, your muscles are actually tearing, albeit on a mico level. Now first off, what is a micro level? And surely the fact that the muscles start coming apart would be a bad thing.

I may not be a doctor but generally tear = bad. But no, this is in fact good, because the more you do something, the better your muscles become and they don’t tear as much. Note the “as much” bit there. And also something which I haven’t wrote about before but I really wanted to is why does everyone pose in the gym?

We have all known that for quite some time, people do not go to gyms for their health. Anyone who tells you that is a lier. The real reason for it is to pickup a member of the opposite sex, take them somewhere with a bed device and do the naughty. And yet there are still people who pretend it has nothing to do with that.

So I will now set the scene where all the guys in the place are at the weights,all with huge burly “Oh god, if I have muscles like this, I must be uber hard and therefore the best man for 18 billion miles around” muscles wearing as little as possible just to overemphasise that fact while lifting a really heavy thing and having a face on them like they are about to go to the toilet.

Now add the fact that there is no women in the place except for the one trainer and she couldn’t give a hobnob what they were doing.

Do you think that they would see the error of their ways and actually do resonable exercise which is more for their size? Nope. They will still carry on lifting really heavy things once of twice and then proceed to stare at themselves in the mirrors there for an hour. What is the point of that? It only really hit me last night as I knackered myself once beyond reason on the treadmill.

I was one side of the room, everyone else was on the other. And this is why you can spot what is going on, everyone there was guilty of this. And afterwards in order to rinse and repeat the ordeal, they take these “protein” shakes which help muscles recover faster, so they can come in the next day and stare at themselves. My memory of those types of shakes, was the episode of South Park, where Cartman takes supplements of Weight Gain 4000, and ends on a talk show unable to move. BEEFCAKE! So naterally this tends to put me off.

I have been doing this now for 2 weeks and well I have noticed only a very small difference. My body remains the same shape despite eating less and drinking water more. My body is actually getting worked now and well I do wonder, when are you meant to start noticing the difference? Is it 3 weeks? 6 weeks? 12 years? When are you meant to notice the difference in lowering you body weight to what they tend to say as being ideal?

This type of question I have wondered every time that I start at a gym, all enthusiastic and when it came down to it, nothing really happened, and I gave up. I am sure that I will not have been the only one who has gone through all this trouble just to well, look the same. It just doesn’t help you, mind you it’s the dream we are all sold isn’t it?

If we all exercise, then we become successful and rich, and instantly achieve joy moments with the ladies. And also our faces will magically transform from the ****-clumps / Sloth lookalike to a cross between Jean Claude Van-Damme and Jude Law. But ultimately and I think this is the reality: We lose a bit of the tummy. And that’s it.

The only true way you achieve the dream is to exercise 7 days a week, taking all those drugs under the sun to enable to train 7 days a week, and plastic surgery. So unless you are actually going to do that, face it, just enjoy what you have. And if you have a body which would challenge Godzilla for the right to destroy Tokyo, just remember, you are like the rest of us. We just don’t admit that.

And yet, the cycle will continue, we will all just carry on chasing and chasing until something more interesting happens. Like the ice cream van coming around on a cold day and yet still expecting to sell Choc Ices.